Of Cats and Dogs

I got up at a little before 9 AM earlier and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. I still had my eyes closed as I waited for my water to heat in the microwave when I suddenly heard a commotion outside. May nag-aaway! Nagising ang katawang-lupa ko kasi narinig ko ‘yung galit na sigaw ni Otap.

Now, in our house, we couldn’t care less if we hear neighbors shouting outside, but when we hear an angry cat cry, you bet we’d drop anything and everything to check which cat it is and what happened. So I hurried to the door, pulled it open, and saw… a concert?

We have our cat enclosure for Ikho and Cash just outside the front door. They stay there because they used to be indoor cats at my sister’s old place and they can’t be let out without supervision because they’d most likely end up being hit by tricycles if they go beyond the gate. We let them out as much as possible but we don’t let them out without being watched so that’s where they stay. Anyway, when I took a peek outside, our three strays were sitting on top of that enclosure, looking down at the side where I can’t see. All five cats were howling and growling and seemed pretty agitated. So I opened the door to go out and I finally saw why.

May stranger pala! May di ko kilalang barako cat na nanliligaw kay Cash!

When he saw me, he ran… straight into our dog… who is only a bit bigger than the cat.

Cat is almost as big as Munch.

I was actually more afraid for Munchie so I shooed the strange cat away who ran again… straight into Otap. In fairness to my big baby, he stood his ground. I guess the other cat was just too distracted by, I dunno, hormones? To fight Otap so he didn’t really attack. They just growled at each other on top of the washing machine, and the strange cat just jumped up to the roof of the garage when Otap took a swipe at him.

I’m just relieved that it was just that. I don’t know that cat. He’s not one of the cats that roam our street. Kanya-kanya kasi silang teritoryo rito. There’s a different male cat near the end of the street. About three houses down until our house is Otap’s territory, and there’s a different male cat who “owns” the territory further down the street. Our neighbors have adopted them too but I think Otap is the only stray here that’s actually neutered. Ikho is too but since he only stays in the enclosure (he’d go out to get hugs, then flop down at your feet because he’s too lazy and well, overweight, to go far), he doesn’t count. Ngayon ko lang nakita ‘tong barakong ‘to, and visions of fleas, parasites and, rabies came to mind.

Anyway, he’s gone now but I know why he was out there. We have two girl cats. And Cash is in heat, the poor baby. We haven’t had the chance to get her spayed yet, and aside from the fact that we can’t really afford more cats so we don’t want her to get pregnant, two of our boys are neutered and Tommy, the baby who, technically, can already mate, is more interested in food, so there’s no relief for her in that aspect unless, I don’t know, set up a cat Tinder or something. But really, getting her spayed is the next priority because that’s the responsible thing to do.

I gave them their second breakfast already and treats because I know it’d been a stressful morning. And because Otap and Munchie had been heroes, they get extra Whiskas and Pedigree pouches for lunch. And because he’s the bunso, Tommmy gets to stay with me until my allergic rhenitis kicks in.

It’s quiet now, and I can get back to my (already cold) coffee. But at least all my outside chores are done, and I’m getting kitty, tuna-scented kisses and everyone deserves tuna-scented kisses in the morning.

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Something Fishy

All my life, we’ve never not had pets. When I was born, we lived in a duplex with my grandparents, my uncle’s family and another uncle who loved animals so even back then, we had at least three dogs. We rarely had less than two dogs. Even now we have two (and five cats), At most we had thirteen dogs at the same time. We’ve had rabbits, love birds, salamanders, crayfish, chickens, mice, fishes, so yeah, I’ve always loved animals. But the very first pet I’ve actually ever had were fishes. I loved fishes. I still do. But the last time I’ve ever taken care of fishes was in high school when my HS best friend gave me a fishbowl with five small fishes for my birthday. I named them after the Backstreet Boys because we were both huge BSB fans back in the day.

The last few weeks, I’ve been obsessed with getting back into fish keeping. Back when I was a kid, I had no idea how to take care of fishes. I thought it only took feeding them and water changes and cleaning the fishbowl. We didn’t have Google back then or YouTube with tons of fish keeping videos to tell me what to do and what not to do so I always end up killing my fishes after a while. I didn’t know about ammonia, nitrates and nitrite levels back then, but I do now. I really did my research because I want to take care of fishes again.

So here is my fish keeping list.

1. I want to start small-ish. Maybe not a fish bowl but something small like a 5 gallon tank. I think they sell fish tank kits at the pet stotes and it comes with a tank and the filter… I think. I have to look into it. I want to go to Cartimar to look at fish tanks but I have no idea how to transport it home if I do get one. Makakatipid nga ako sa aquarium, gagastusin ko rin naman sa Grab na I’m sure mas mahal pa 😑 So I’ll look somewhere else first. Pero gusto ko pa rin talaga mag Cartimar so hello, Glanice! Samahan mo ako.

2. I want a planted tank BUT I may need more fish keeping experience to achieve that. I already also like taking care of plants but I’d really rather focus on one thing at a time. I *could* get a separate tank to “practice” taking care of aquatic plants and keep a fish in a different tank with fake plants first. That way if I start killing the plants, it won’t affect the fish. And when I’m finally confident enough about my aquatic plant-keeping skills, then I can introduce another fish into that tank 🤔 I know we have an old aquarium here somewhere. Baka puwedeng magamit na taniman. I’ve researched aquatic plants so I’d write about that some other time because it’s also really interesting.

3. I want a betta fish. I used to think that betta fishes, or the fighting fishes, were for advanced fish keepers because they look so… complicated. They’re so pretty, with their veil-like tails and different colors, ‘tapos malaman-laman ko lang na sila pala ‘yung isa sa mga best fishes for someone just starting out in fish keeping. Also, a betta fish is the ideal fish for a small tank. I read somewhere that you can keep them in at least 2.5 to 3 gallon tank, eh di ba 5 gallons ‘yung gusto ko? I also saw videos that these fishes were kept in freaking wine bottles! Okay lang kayo? Animal abusers! 😠 Pero ‘yun nga, they’re the best fishes to keep in smaller tanks daw. And they’re so pretty! I want any one of these: a black-and-SHINee (aqua)-colored one, a black-and-Super Junior (blue)-colored one, a purple one or a champagne gold one. I already have names! I know I can find them because these fishes do come in these colors. I really don’t mind the tail type but the rose-tailed and the veil-tailed ones are really pretty. I still need to do more research on the types though because I still can’t distinguish one from the other automatically.

Photo Credit: @bettafanclub, IG

Ay, meron palang black and white na parang panda! I like that too. But since I’m only going to get one tank, it means I can only get one betta fish. Hindi raw kasi advisable na dalawa sa isang fish tank because, well, they fight. Kaya nga fighting fish eh. Unless gawin kong ring ng MMA ‘yung decor n’ung fish tank…

4. Decorations! Ay na-excite? 😂 I found fish tank decorations in Shopee in the shape of the Krusty Krab, Spongebob’s pineapple house and Squidward’s house! Gusto ko na bilhin kahit wala pa akong fish tank! Natuwa lang ako 😅

I’m also going to need fake plants, ideally not plastic, and substrate, probably sand or pebbles.

Then, after getting all of those, I also need to cycle my tank for as long as it takes for the filter to effectively and quickly convert ammonia into… nitrates? Or is it nitrites? I have to get back to you on that because all I know is that they’re all bad for my future fish. So I have to buy my fish tank at least a month before I actually buy my fish. And I also need to get water conditioner, fish food (to help with the cycling because I don’t want to do an in-fish cycle) and an aquarium test kit.

Looking at the list nakikita ko nang mahal siya 😂 ‘Yung aquarium test kit pa lang, nasa P1,600+ na sa Shopee eh 💸

Gawin ko na lang kaya ‘yung pinag-usapan namin ni Lea sa IG? Maglagay na lang ako ng Scotchbrite sa isang baldeng tubig para instant Spongebob in a fish tank na? 😂

I really wish I can do this soon pero gusto ko talaga. One of my future heroes will give me this fish tank, promise.

🐟🐠🐡

Oh, in addition, if I get a bigger tank, I also like panda corydoras! They’re small, black and white fishes that look like pandas 🐼 but they need to be in groups of at least three (six is the ideal if I only want a small group), and that big a group needs at least a 10-gallon tank. So ‘yun. I’ll start with a betta fish first then I’ll go from there if I can 😊

🙏

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Welp.

Im sitting at our dining table, having coffee and eating a peanutbutter sandwich. I just watered my plants (because I consider them MY plants now and not my mother’s), and I fed all the hungry babies. I’m still sleepy and still tired. Which is probably why I almost used the cats’ tuna-flavored Whiskas on a slice of Gardenia instead of the chicken spread.

I’m tired. And funnily enough, I don’t mean my usual mentally exhausted tired… although I think that may have something to do with why I’m tired. Considering, I’m not THAT tired. I’m just physically tired.

I’ve been sick since Sunday night. I’m better but I’m still tired. I’m just amazed that I’m not curled up in a ball and screaming in my head about it.

On Monday, i had to go out to pay our bills. Lots and lots of bills. I had a little sunlight by walking to the Meralco office from the unloading area near Pasig City Hall. Then I had to go to the bank to pay my credit card bill and get my new EMV debit card, which, I found out, the bank had lost. Not kidding. The quick-thinking phone banking agent the bank officer contacted for me suggested blocking the old new card and just requesting for a new new card for me which I can get in another week. Okay lang. I was actually happy with how they handled it. Then since my card(s) were already blocked, I had to fall in line to deposit money for my credit card payment. The only availble seats were near the front and I was like, yihaaa! Malapit d’un sa screen where they post the number they were serving. I usually sit there because I can’t see three inches in front of me. But I quickly realized why the seats were free. Hutangnalabas, it was the bank branch’s version of Antarctica. Nasa tapat siya ng aircon na full blast na perpetual hinahangin ‘yung buhok ko. Still, I gritted my teeth and sat there while they served numbers 117 to 157 and there were only two bank tellers. Again, I wasn’t upset. Nag-cross stitch lang ako sa phone hanggang sa tinawag ‘yung number ko, 158. I stood up and pretty much felt like Olaf as I creakily walked to the counter. After n’un, ten minutes akong nasa labas ng banko, nagpapa-araw lang. Then I walked to Mercury Drug for, well, drugs, then I decided to reward my tummy for not growling loudly while I was waiting in line at the bank, by going to the newly opened branch of Chowking for yangchow and lumpia.

I took my meds there, went home, and walked into chaos because I had been planning on cleaning earlier that day, but left because I had to go to the bank. By that time, I was too tired so I just went to the sofa, fell face down on it and took a nap.

Tuesday, I still had a low-grade fever but I had to be awake because I got a message from Shoppee saying that the porable hard drive I ordered was on its way. The last time I was out, the same day I almost ended up stealing a memory card, I went to Octagon to get myself a portable hard drive. You see, my netbook, Soraya, who is about five years old, was dying. And while I wanted to buy a new netbook, I wasn’t quite ready yet, financially. The next best thing was to back everything up into an external hard drive then reformat her. But when I got to Octagon, the portable hard drives were more expensive than I expected. I was thinking I’d get a 1TB for about P3,000 but their 1TB ones were priced at around P4,000+. Having learned my lesson from the previous store (the one where I got my expensive SD card), I told myself to look for one online instead that might be cheaper.

Which I did when I got home. I got a 1TB Seagate Slim portable storage device for only P2,651 from a Shoppee store. The exact same thing was more than P4K in Octagon. I was REALLY happy about that. I was even happier when it got delivered yesterday and it’s champagne gold and it’s so pretty! I admired it for about five minutes before I plugged it in, installed it, and started backing Soya up. And my poor old netbook shut itself down four times the whole day, interrupting the back up process that had started at 10 AM and was still going at 6 PM. I had almost 500GB of data in there so yeah, it could take that long.

Then clumsy, careless me decided to move back to my bedroom (because I work in the living room) after Soya’s last restart, and when I lifted the netbook up and turned, I hit the side of the monitor against the side of the rocking chair beside the sofa apparently hard enough that I busted the screen. I sat there in shock, not breathing for a full minute… okay, so the shock lasted a full minute, the not breathing lasted probably twenty seconds because that’s the max amount of time that I can hold my breath, staring at the black screen with gray and white parts that looked like something exploded behind it. And then I calmly put my netbook down and stared at it some more, my mind blank.

On a normal day, my new normal, I mean, I’d be 25th Floor Balcony-ing myself at that point, but I quietly sat there, actually listing my options in my head, some of which could actually work. And it felt unfamiliar to me. Alien. Ancient alien. Because in the last few years I was rarely able to make decisions without writing them down because I can’t focus on anything, and without panicking, thinking that the end is near because I can’t even! But so far, this week, I’ve been calm. Zen.

I tried switching Soya on again earlier and yeah, the screen is still black and white and gray but Windows is running so I know all my files are safe in there. I have a hard drive in case I can’t get her screen fixed because money! I just need to move all of the files into my hard drive. And work? I can work on my phone because I also bought a keyboard. I admit I bought it on a whim but holy crap, I’m really glad I bought it now. Kaya naman pala kasi. So the next time I have the sudden urge to buy a whole pizza for myself, I will. Because there’s a reason for everything 😂

So the point of this long, rambling post is that I’m okay right now. I’m really okay. It’s not going to be forever, I know. By next week, I’ll probably ugly cry over a can of corned beef because I accidentally bought one in a non-easy open can. Or I’d probably get irationally angry over something as simple as not finding my slippers. But this week, I’m normal, I’m functioning. I’m a adult who can handle things life normally throws at random people. I’m just a random person.

And I’m thankful.

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Heavy Lifting

Somewhere out there, someone thinks I’m a shoplifter. Seriously.

And I can’t blame them.

My weird story started after I bought my new phone. I’ve gone a year without a smartphone (for which, the explanation deserves its own blog). So let’s just say I finally went to Oppo at the Cyberzone in SM Megamall and got myself a starry purple Oppo F9 before I 1) lose interest in having a phone again, 2) change my mind about getting a phone again, 3) changebmy mind about which phone I’d get again, or 4) spend all my money on food again.

The Oppo F9 was already on sale and since it was a day after Valentine’s Day, they were giving away chocolates. Yeah, other stores were giving away powerbanks and speakers as freebies but I got a Toblerone. The attendant also took a selfie with me, I dunno, as proof that she gave me a Toblerone? I hate selfies but *shrug* sige na nga! Besides, that selfie would prove significant if things went differently. I’ll get to that.

I asked the attendant if they were selling memory cards (she insisted that I didn’t need one but my phone is less than a week old and I’ve already used up more than half the memory for my books and audiobooks), and she volunteered to take me to a store where they did. I said it was okay, that I’d find one on my own, but she insisted so again, sige na nga! She took me to a store, the name of which I didn’t know but I can point it out to you if I see it again. She was the one who asked the guy at the counter (whom she knew) if they had memory cards, and he said yes, and handed her one.

Anyway, she showed me the 256GB Samsung whatchamacall it and I asked how much it was. The guy at the counter said 7. As in “seven”. So my ignorance said okay. I thanked the Ate from Oppo and she left, then when the guy started to write the receipt he told me, “ma’am, P7,000 po.” And I was like “SEVEN TAWSAN?!” I had no idea it was THAT freaking expensive. I looked for a cheaper option, and ended up getting a lower capacity memory card. Up to now, I’m still avoiding looking for one in Shoppee because I know that if I find one that’s significantly cheaper, I’d… do something.

Anyway, I paid for my purchase, wrote my name and number on the receipt, and he handed me my change and my new memory card which I slipped into my Oppo paper bag, but he was looking around, lifting stuff up from the counter, obviously looking for something. By that time, I was only standing there, waiting for my receipt but he was still looking around with the other ate in the store. So curious me asked, “ano po ‘yun?”

“‘Yung 256 po.” Meaning nawawala ‘yung 256 GB na memory card.

I lifted my hands from the counter and took a step back kasi mamaya mapagkamalan akong magnanakaw, and I started to look around for it when I had a strange, sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach. I turned my head toward the paper bag hanging from my arm and, like I was expecting a poisonous alien tarantula to climb out, I took a peek inside.

And there, right beside the one I bought, was the P7,000 256GB Samsung memory card they were looking for.

If you’re on the outside looking in, of course, you’d think “so nanakawin mo?”. I mean, I’d think that too, di ba? Why the heck would it be inside my paper bag if I didn’t intend to take it? But the thing is I didn’t even know how it got there. And everyone in the world would be like, “suuuure”. The only explanation I can think of is that Ate from Oppo who showed it to me, slipped it in because she was so sure I was going to buy it. I was so sure I was going to buy it too before I found out I could buy another Oppo phone for the price of the cursed thing. Whatever her reason, I almost got into trouble.

I pulled it out of the paper bag and gave it back. I said an awkward and embarrassed “nilagay yata ni ateng” to which the guy just gave me an understandably judgey look. I really can’t blame him though. Why wouldn’t he? Nakakasama lang ng loob because I’ve never stolen anything in my life and here’s this guy giving me a judgey look because he thought I thought I could get away with it.

I gave back the item, he gave me my receipt and I walked out of the store with as much dignity as I could even while my anxiety told me they were probably calling me names and saying things like “akala niya makakalusot siya ah”.

I gave myself my usual 24 hours to dwell then I got over it. Pero ganito na lang. For what it’s worth, here’s a rundown of what could have happened if I did end up walking away with that item.

1) I would have returned it. – I’m the type of person who walks two blocks back to the bakery to give back an extra P5 coin when ateng tindera gave it to me, thinking it was piso. Partida, alas dose ng tanghali ‘yan, summer, at wala akong payong. I also do that sa McDo, sa grocery when SM can afford giving me an extra piso, and to a cab driver who gave me a tip to thank me because I returned the extra P300 he gave me when he thought I gave him a P500 bill instead of a P200. Kung di ko kaya manlamang ng limang piso, ‘yun pa kayang P7,000?

But why should you take my word for it, right? So let’s go to my next points.

2) Check your CCTV footage if you have security cameras. Please have security cameras. – If you do, you’d see that I didn’t put the item in my bag. I’m not in the habit of putting things I haven’t paid for in my bag. Which is why I’m so sure I didn’t put that there. Makakalimutin ako pero di talaga ako magnanakaw.

3) I gave them my real name and my real phone number when they asked me to sign the receipts. – I realized this in the middle of my “dwelling in what happened” moments. I gave them and the Oppo lady my real contact info. If I was planning on stealing something, I wouldn’t have given them accurate information where they can find me. Sure, I have a prepaid number and I can change it easily, but my name? And…

4) I also can’t change my face. – The guy in the store knows the ate from Oppo. If he asks her about me, she has a selfie with me in her phone. Madali na lang akong hanapin because I’ve had the same face since high school. Mas mataba lang ako ngayon. If they can’t find my SNS accounts, they could have posted my picture and asked “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN?” or “BABALA” or something to that effect if they didn’t want to outright accuse me of stealing. They way social media works especially it it’s something scandalous that a nobody could go viral in three minutes, someone who knows me would have seen it and told them who I was… or told me that they were looking for me.

I plan military missions and burglaries alike for books. If I did all the things I did that day before stealing something, I’d not only be an amateur, I’d also be stupid. If I did steal that memory card and refused to give it back when they found out, they could have posted my picture on Facebook and I probably deserve to go viral for the wrong reasons. Aside from my innate sense of fairness that won’t allow me to take things I didn’t earn, I wouldn’t put my honor, beliefs and my reputation on the line for a freaking memory card. Okay lang you?

‘Yun lang naman. And I know the people involved wouldn’t get to read this and they’d probably go on with their lives thinking na muntik ko silang manakawan. It did bother me for the first 24 hours pero ngayon, natatawa na lang din ako. But I still want to apologize to them for the misunderstanding kung sakaling mabasa nila ‘to at ma-realize nilang sila pala ‘yung nasa kuwento na ‘to. And I also needed to write this for myself kahit di nila mababasa.

My point is… just be careful, okay? And don’t take things that don’t belong to you. Bad ‘yun.

On a lighter note, I named my phone, Io, after one of Jupiter’s moons. I think the name also means “moon” in Greek. Io was also one of Zeus’ mortal lovers in Greek mythology. So far, I’m loving her.

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To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

Well, maybe not “loved”. To all the boys I’ve crushed on before.

Last night, I was brainstorming a second chance story that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to write pretty soon but it was still too fun not to brainstorm, when I suddenly thought about all the boys I’ve ever had a serious crush on. All my life, I’ve only ever had a real, true deep crush on four guys, not including the ones na kinikilig lang ako kapag nakikita ko ‘tapos pag di ko na nakikita, di ko na naiisip. Yeah, four guys… and not including Nick Carter, Travis Fimmel, David Gandy and Chico Lachowski.

So did what anyone would do, checked Facebook. I found three of the four.

E
The first guy I had a serious crush on was E. This was when I was in elementary, as in I was nine. I couldn’t say he was cute then because based on my memory, guwapo siya eh. Tisoy, matangkad, he was cool with a hint of bad boy-ness. They lived on the same street as we did and my grandparents were friends with his. His grandfather was a former Philippine senator.

Did he look at me? Probably not. I was a small girl with big eyes hidden behind huge, Coke-bottle glasses with rat’s nest hair you can’t tame even if you used hair spray, mousse and a whip. Did he know I had a crush on him? Aside from it being so painfully obvious, I also had two older cousins who played basketball with him who would cough like they were auditioning for a Solmiux commercial whenever they all come to the house. I feel sorry for my eight-year-old self.

Last I heard about him was that he had a kid. We moved away when I was seventeen, and I’d already gotten over my crush on him so I didn’t keep tabs. But I found him on Twitter last night. Apparently, I remember him through an Instagram filter because he wasn’t tisoy OR matangkad 😂 and he wasn’t “guwapo” anymore, at least to me. And he does have a kid and he appears to be a single dad. But his kid is cool. She’s into muaythai and kicks ass, and he’s obviously crazy about her because most of his Instagram pics is of her, and his tweets are stories about his kid. If you asked me then, he didn’t seem like the type who’d turn out to be a good dad. Chickboy kasi siya n’un. I’m just glad he turned out the way he did with his daughter.

R
My high school crush was R. We first met when we were 14, when they moved to the house next door. It used to be my grand-uncle’s house before they sold it. They had a veranda at the back of their house just outside and to the side of my bedroom. He was a chubby baby siopao (like Tan from my Wattpad story, The Mansion #plugging). Singkit na singkit siya with floppy hair. We first talked about school (he went to La Salle Greenhills), our families (he’s the nephew of a former Philippine president), things we liked and his German Shepherd who I adore.

I don’t go out much but I noticed that he’d be at the veranda a lot and we’d talk, and then he went away for the summer. When he came back, I… didn’t recognize him. He shot up to 5’11”, lost all his baby fat, and looks like a typical chinito heartthrob/Korean idol. I wouldn’t have believed it was him until I the doggo slather him with so much affection that I realized that yeah, it was R. And I kind of tripped into attraction.

We started to hang out together. By this time, I’d already lost the glasses and I’ve already learned how to beat my curly hair into submission, so I was already a little more comfortable with myself, and about having a crush on a guy. We weren’t very close but we hang out the way two people hang out at the start of a friendship.

It never went anywhere though, especially since we moved away and we lost touch.

I didn’t find him on Facebook or Twitter, but I know that he’s already married and has a little girl with a name that’s really close to my second name.

J
In college, I had a crush on a classmate. We met each other when we were sophomores when we were both waiting to give our prof our class cards. We both missed the first week of classes because we had to go home as my grandfather and his grandmother passed away. I didn’t immediately have a crush on him. I don’t even remember how I did. All I know is that one day, I was walking near the Oblation Field on my way home and someone pulled my clip off, and I turned, ready to karate chop the b@stard, who ended up being him. And he was laughing. He did give it back and we ended up talking for a while, and offered to walk with me to town. I didn’t have my jacket then, too, and, well, he didn’t offer his jacket, exactly. He pulled me inside his jacket with him. Sooo yeah.

But as things usually went when it comes to me and guys, he ended up dating my best friend at that time. And that was my first real heartbreak because I really fell for him. But that wasn’t the part that hurt me the most, it’s that my friend lied to me and made me look and feel stupid. We, my best friend and I, stayed friends for a few years after that because I thought a guy wasn’t worth losing a friend over. We had a falling out a few years later that didn’t have anything to do with a guy.

J and I are Facebook friends so it was easy to check in on him. He’s doing well and I realized that I missed him. He had been a friend then, and I missed that friendship.

N
The last guy is N, and I was already working when we met. I didn’t have a crush on him at the start. We were parts of different groups during the start of our training at the new job but I became friends with a girl who used to be his workmate and who was really close with him. She had a love emergency one time and called me up, wanting to hang out, so I went to see her. I didn’t know she called him up too so I was surprised when he came. That was when we started hanging out. We became really close that I even told him about my crush on another of our wavemates.

N isn’t really that tall pero guwapo siya (sa ‘kin) at chinito rin siya. He’s really sweet and girls/women just flock to him. Maybe because he’s the non-threatening type and, sabi ko nga, sweet. He’s the boy-next-door, guy-best-friend type that you just inevitably fall for after a while even if all he ever did was sit there with you. Or maybe it’s because of that? I don’t know.

Then came Valentine’s Day… it’s a story I already wrote about in the start of my book Sa Kanya Pa Rin #plugging so I won’t write it down again here. He’s also a Facebook friend so I visited his profile. He was carrying a baby on his profile pic! But it turned out that it was his nephew. The last time I talked to him, we were talking about getting married… not to each other though. Friends, remember? He was my second heartbreak because I knew I fell in love with him too. We eventually lost touch and I eventually stopped singing Sa Kanya Pa Rin. Last night, I realized that I missed him too.

The last two guys, I think, I’m pretty sure I loved both of them. They were friends even before I fell for them. It’s just not meant to be the type of love I write about with a neat happily ever after. Sad 😢 haha

Actually, it was sad when it happened, but I’ve always been resilient, and I’m actually more used to being alone (which is a whole ‘nother blog entry), especially now. I freak out at the thought of being with someone. Like I’d automatically say “pakilala mo naman ako sa friend mo!”, but when someone takes me up on it…

running away

So please don’t. Please don’t take me seriously when I say ipakilala n’yo ako sa friends n’yo. And this is not reverse psychology. I mean it. You know how Erica (Lex’s Erica) said that? It’s like that. She was joking. She really didn’t mean for Mere to introduce her to Lex.

I’m actually happy for the four guys. They seem happy, or at least Instagram- and Facebook-happy. I wish they really are. And maybe I’d say hi to the last two guys.

No, I’m still not singing Sa Kanya Pa Rin. It’s more like I Remember the Boy… and I do remember the feeling but I don’t feel it anymore. And know what? I kinda miss the feeling.

Hello, Universe! Where’s my Chico? Dito na me!

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